This lifetime, the best role I've played is myself【O1BK00001280000】

 

Title	這輩子，演得最好的是自己：金鐘影后王琄開啟人生第三幕的32道幽默守則
Author	王琄 Wang Xuan
Series	People
Publisher	聯經出版
Publication Date	2022/05/19
EAN	9789570862638
Book Dimensions	Length 21 × Width 14.8 × Height 1.5 cm / 288 pages
Printing	Paperback / 25k / Black and White Printing

■ Buying Shoes

The shoe store owner kept calling me "big sister," so I turned around and left—decided not to buy anything.

I began planning to walk on foot, and a good pair of shoes became essential for this endeavor. I searched for the necessary equipment for a hiker’s journey and bought them one by one, borrowing some from friends (in case I quickly lost patience). Shoes were the first essential piece of equipment I had to purchase.

My decision to walk around Taiwan wasn’t something I did in my youth; it was a decision I made in my third life stage. I don’t fully understand this impulse—was it to prove that I was still young? Or was it an inward pilgrimage? During university, my boyfriend once took me around the island on his motorcycle. I was too tired to speak up, with aching back and waist, no time to enjoy the scenery. Silently praying to reach our destination so I could rest, I endured the whole journey without a word. Initially, he was chatting and laughing, but soon he too focused on riding in silence. Perhaps he also wanted to reach the rest stop quickly. He had chosen a wind-chasing 125cc motorcycle, and carrying an adult, even if she was his girlfriend, must have been tiring. This trip left a deep impression: I would never take a long-distance motorcycle trip again—it’s neither romantic nor comfortable, and I couldn’t control the pace, completely at the mercy of others. Holding in the need to go to the bathroom, enduring hunger, back pain, sun exposure, and rain; the entire journey felt like training for a ninja turtle!

After that, I avoided motorcycles and developed a love for walking, which started in recent years.

During work breaks, I chose walking to pass the time. I especially loved shoots in the mountains or suburbs. Extended stays for work, whether theater tours, film, or TV shoots, filled me with joy. Whenever I could stay out for a while, I felt like I was on a mini vacation. Exploring the surroundings early in the morning, finding good restaurants, discovering mountain trails to hike, getting to know the local flora and fauna—I greeted them every morning and night. Enveloped in morning mist, I felt like a fairy godmother descending to earth (silly, right?). The air was filled with the refreshing scent of phytoncides released by trees, making me euphoric and smile. Looking up at the sunlight dancing on the grass, I felt dazzled and mesmerized. "Xuan Jie, we’re ready for your shot!" This brought me back to reality, reminding me I was there to work.

Walking isn’t just walking.

During work, that walk belongs to the character. Using the character’s mannerisms, in the environment where they lived, I would question: What would you do here? How would you walk? These trees and flowers are part of your daily life; how do you interact with them? Do you greet them? When angry or upset, do you cry among them? Would they embrace your character with love and calm, as they do with me now?

Usually, the filming starts, and the crew enters the scene, with actors experiencing the character’s environment for the first time. Walking becomes a necessary spiritual dialogue, experiencing the character’s life footsteps by foot. Seeing, hearing, and feeling through the character's lens, even thinking in their way. Inviting the character into a conversation, allowing the actor to express the character's subtle emotions or unspoken words—for instance, a mother who loves her child but can't express it verbally, misunderstood as only caring about money, cuts off her child’s relationship out of long-term concern. While enduring the misunderstanding, dislike, or cold shoulder from her child, she walks alone, crying among the trees. Such indescribable emotions often reveal themselves during these walks, where the character shows me their unexpressed feelings. I've had too many such experiences, deeply personal, unable to be verified but keeping me intimately connected with my characters.

Walking in the character’s shoes, now I had to put on my walking shoes, enduring being called "big sister" repeatedly (you felt my emotional swings, right?). Buy or leave? An internal drama played out. Taking off the character’s shoes and putting on my own required accepting the real world's noises! But why should "big sister" bother me? Though it stung, thinking the man was rude, unaware that ladies should be addressed as "miss" or "beauty," I completed my purchase without a word, left with a card swipe, and never looked back. After all, I was there to buy shoes, not compliments. Middle age can’t be too sensitive, even if we shatter easily.

The graceful "big sister" leaving the store indeed proved: Big sister, it is!

Walking was my choice.

After performances or shoots, I chose to walk back (home), detaching from the character, leaving them on the set or stage. The emptiness felt strong, neither here nor there, vulnerable and speechless, physically tired but internally scattered, slowly walking to realign my scattered soul.

Walking offers autonomy; I control the speed and path, enjoying the scenery. Sometimes, the character clings stubbornly, replaying scenes in my mind. To break free, I’d enter a convenience store or shop, distracting myself with small purchases. Interestingly, the character would be left behind, no longer haunting me.

While walking, I fully focus on my body’s changes—muscles, breath, inner feelings, filled with dialogue and images. Occasionally, a blank space appears: no images, no thoughts, just silence.

Having bought my walking shoes, it was time to start my "small adventure."

Ordinary walking isn't too challenging, but leaving the comfort zone is the real adventure. To balance adventure with safety, I began intensive endurance training and researched hiking equipment and demographics. Mostly young people hike, with few older participants. Young hikers often set off alone, meeting companions along the way. What about me? How to proceed safely yet adventurously? (Clearly, overthinking comes with age.)

I decided to find my own hiking companion.

Making friends with young, tech-savvy people is essential at this stage. They grew up with advanced technology, practically with keyboards at their fingertips and programmed brains, thinking differently from those of us who used Lotus/Format/disks in university. Respecting and learning from young people is my mindset. When I encounter computer issues, I seek help from these young boys and girls, expressing my willingness to learn slowly and thanking them for their patience (sweet talk works wonders!).

A heart willing to leave the comfort zone is young and vibrant, regardless of age. Curiosity and bold actions define age.

My hiking companion was a curious and passionate young woman in her twenties. We decided to test a section of an ancient trail before planning a solo hike (I later found out she was in her early thirties, but she looked much younger).

All external environments are projections of the inner self.

To give joy, action, vitality, sharing, or love, one must first become that ideal person. Do it! Walk! Act!

The "big sister" call might have been the store owner's projection of his own struggles with aging, doubting vitality and courage to move forward. Knowing the woman buying shoes was planning to walk might have triggered his sigh (self-perception improves).

Let the old man stay in the store, projecting his eternal youth dream!

...

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